


Heart-to-Heart

by Marie_Tomas



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Cuddling, Declarations Of Love, Drunken Confessions, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Heart-to-Heart, Living Together, M/M, POV Jensen Ackles, Romance, Shy Jensen Ackles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-15
Updated: 2015-01-15
Packaged: 2018-03-07 15:07:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3176595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marie_Tomas/pseuds/Marie_Tomas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen really struggles with hearts-to-hearts, or any moments that involve sharing feelings. </p><p>Unluckily (or maybe luckily) for Jensen, Jared loves talking about his thoughts and emotions; it's one of the many reasons why Jensen fell in love with his best friend and co-star, even though he's never been brave enough to confess his feelings to Jared. </p><p>When Jared comes home after a night at a bar and drunkenly tells Jensen that he thinks they'd be perfect together, Jensen spends the night dreading the conversation that he and Jared will have to have the next day when Jared is sober. </p><p>Jared, however, might just have other ideas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heart-to-Heart

**Author's Note:**

> My first attempt at RPF. Set roughly during the time when Jensen and Jared lived together in Vancouver. Although, as a standard disclaimer, none of the events depicted in this fan fiction actually happened in real life. 
> 
> I apologize in advance for the excessive references to Jensen and Jared's hearts. :)

Jensen didn't  _do_ heart-to-hearts.

This was the only thought that he could process clearly while he paced nervously outside Jared's bedroom door, trying to delay the inevitable discussion that they were going to have to have at some point about Jared's confession last night.

He could think of nothing more anxiety-inducing than sitting down in a group-or worse, one-to-one- with the specific intention of talking about emotions, or sharing feelings, or discussing intimate thoughts, putting himself out there, putting his heart right on the line with the risk of having it broken. Heart-to-hearts were therefore on the list of things that Jensen actively tried to avoid in his real life.

People who didn't know him personally often thought that he was joking when he talked about his reluctance to take part in emotional moments, with most of his and Jared's fans believing that he was playing up to his fictional character's personality, pretending to shy away from 'chick flick moments' just like Dean, purely for the fans' amusement. Or they thought that he was sharing some sort of in-joke about his similarities to his character for publicity purposes.

However, the truth was that the look of pure fear when forced to talk about feelings was something that Jensen and Dean Winchester very much had in common.

People who knew him really well, like old friends and close family, had occasionally expressed their surprise that he chose to become an actor, dedicating himself to a career that was often completely dependent on the ability to convincingly portray or at least allude to a character's feelings and emotions, making a character seem believable and relatable, especially when  _they_  knew that he really wasn't kidding around whenever he confessed to fans that he was a little shy behind the scenes, behind the mask of Dean Winchester's confidence.

However, Jensen found heart-to-hearts so much easier when he was on camera precisely  _because_ he was only acting.

There was something liberating about being able to let go when performing, bringing the emotions from the script to life, being able to laugh or cry or yell in the safety of a studio, in a controlled environment, behind the shield of a role, a character, without having to deal with a lot of the real-life negativity or attracting the attention and judgement that often went with away-from-camera displays of intense words and emotions, and then relaxing again once the Director yelled, "Cut!", wiping the on-screen tears away and returning to a more peaceful, familiar and introverted way of thinking and behaving.

Even when Jensen was appearing as 'himself' at Conventions or other public events, where, encouraged by the fans' enthusiasm, he was able to let his guard down a little and laugh and joke and share somewhat personal stories, there was still an element of  _performing_ about the whole thing-he still felt like he was sort of playing a part, or at least only showing a little of his true self under the guise of behaving how an actor is expected to behave when appearing in front of large crowds or the media, before gratefully retreating back into his shell after each Con was over, or back to the security of his and Jared's shared home, where they could cook or watch TV together in comfortable silence, or Jared could do enough talking for both of them, while Jensen would just listen, happy to not have to perform, and he would probably gaze at his best friend in barely-disguised adoration the whole time he was speaking.

Jensen continued his pacing outside said best friend's bedroom door, reaching his hand out half-heartedly every now and again like he was about to open the door, but then retreating out of fear at the last second.

He wondered what would be the most fear-inducing outcome of the discussion that he was trying to psyche himself up to having; if it would be worse if Jared told him that his whole heart-felt confession had just been some kind of joke, if he tried to pretend that he couldn't remember any of it, or if he admitted that he had meant everything he said, which would probably lead to an even more awkward and therefore terrifying discussion.

Of course,  _Jared_ , unlike Jensen,  _loved_  heart-to-hearts.  _Jared_  never looked more animated than when he was talking about deep, personal things that had happened to him, and sharing how he felt about  _everything_ , placing his hand over his heart while he talked to Jensen about events that had particularly moved or affected him, and even crying sometimes when discussions got a little intense.

Since Jared first asked Jensen to move in with him, his best friend had also made it clear that they had to communicate as best they could; Jensen had to sit down and talk to Jared about what was bothering him whenever there was any hint of a clash over any of the usual roommate issues, or simply whenever he was having a bad day, when things were getting too difficult for either of them at work.

Jared liked open and honest discussions; he believed that they prevented serious arguments or misunderstandings in the long run. Jensen agreed with him, in theory, but he just found it so  _hard_ to share everything so openly and honestly like that, especially with someone he cared about so much. Someone he really didn't want to lose.

With their different personalities, a lot of people had expected Jensen and Jared to not get along, and Jensen himself had been a little worried at first that he might let his jealousy of how open and in touch with his emotions Jared always was take over, or get really competitive thinking that being in touch with his emotions somehow made Jared the better actor, causing them to eventually fall out. Yet Jensen had realized over time that Jared's open and honest personality was one of the main reasons  _why_ Jensen had fallen in love with him.

Because yeah, Jensen was totally in love with Jared, even though he hardly ever told anyone about it, and maybe that was part of Jensen's problem.

Sure, he had been in lust with the guy right from day one, when he went to shake Jared's hand at their first audition and Jared had smiled and pulled him in for a friendly hug instead, but he was sure that most people with an appreciation for attractive men would have felt the same way about Jared Padalecki.

The whole in-love thing only developed later on, when Jensen couldn't help but be drawn in by Jared's bright smiles and deep and meaningful stories, feeling an intense rush of affection every time Jared told him about his personal life, or whenever Jared got all emotional, with Jensen just wanting to wrap him up in his arms and comfort him and kiss him every time Jared looked sad.

Their personalities were so different, but somehow, they just clicked; things just worked between them, they could still find common ground and they complemented each other. The yin to Jared's yang, as Jensen occasionally described it to his close friends, whenever he got a little too drunk and accidentally poured his heart out to them.

Sometimes, he wondered how any other guy would ever compare to Jared, how he could ever live with anyone else if the unthinkable happened and Jared got into a relationship and Jensen had to leave their-no, leave  _Jared's_ house.

Jensen could never share any of these secrets with Jared, however; not when he found even the most simple of heart-to-hearts so difficult, not when he could easily say the wrong thing and mess everything up, not when he could run the risk of losing his best friend, or the risk of not having his only (and favourite) roommate at home every morning to greet him with a smile and a cup of coffee.

He finally stopped his pacing and stood right up close to Jared's door, silently trying to convince himself to just open it and go into Jared's room and get the awkward moment over with. He knew that he would have to deal with it soon, or the tension that went with _not_ speaking about it would be unbearable, and it would probably go against Jared's preference for discussing every issue as soon as possible to avoid tension in the long run.

" _Jen, we should totally be boyfriends!"_

Jensen couldn't help playing Jared's words from last night again in his head.

He had gone over and over every line of Jared's drunken confession all through his sleepless night, and from the moment he got out of bed this morning, trying to analyse every possible hidden meaning, looking for every hint that Jared had or hadn't been joking.

The 'boyfriend' line had been shouted enthusiastically at Jensen the moment Jared came back home from his night at a bar with his buddies, when he half-staggered into the living room, where Jensen had been sitting on the sofa, half-heartedly trying to watch TV.

Sometimes, Jensen accepted Jared's invitations to go out for drinks with Jared's friends, but last night, he had been too tired after work, where it was getting harder and harder to just switch off from Dean Winchester's angst and emotions after they finished filming for the day. Besides, he knew that it was healthy for both of them to have their own social lives and their own friends, especially when they spent so much time together at home and at work, and Jensen had already been getting tired of watching so many women- and guys-flirting with Jared at bars and worrying that one day, Jared might actually take one of them up on their offer and then eventually fall in love with someone, which would take him away from Jensen. If that was going to happen, then Jensen definitely didn't want to be sitting at the bar at the time, watching the tragedy play out in front of him.

Anyway, Jared's friends had recently taken to jokingly calling him and Jensen 'Mr and Mr Padalecki', or asking when the wedding was, or shouting the usual crap about how they were out with 'the happy couple', and Jensen was kind of worried that his blushes or awkward mumbling whenever this happened might actually give away his true feelings for Jared.

"Jen, we should totally be boyfriends!"

"Huh?" was all that Jensen had been able to ask when his drunk best friend had first said it, sort of laughing as he spoke because he thought that Jared was just trying to be funny by quoting something that their fans always said, something that their fans had written repeatedly all over the Internet, most of them apparently convinced that the two of them were secretly in love, and often claiming that they would be 'perfect boyfriends' for one another.

Unfortunately, Jensen knew all this because he and Jared liked to read through the fan discussions about their 'epic love' sometimes when they both got drunk together, trying to turn the whole thing into a joke.

But Jared hadn't looked like he was joking last night-not really, anyway. As soon as Jensen responded with his, "Huh?", Jared had looked deadly serious, and also a little emotional, so Jensen had kind of panicked and got all serious as well.

"Why should we be boyfriends, Jay?" he had eventually been brave enough to ask, asking the question slowly and carefully, letting Jared know that he was really listening to him, while also trying to sound kind of like he was humoring Jared, just in case Jared started laughing and admitted that it was only a joke, or part of some weird prank that his buddies had put him up to.

"B-because…" Jared had eventually stammered, still looking serious, "I like bringing you coffee in the morning…"

Jensen had stared back at him in wide-eyed shock. Of all the reasons he might have expected someone to give for wanting to be his boyfriend, that one definitely hadn't been one of them.

"What I mean is," Jared had continued, sounding frustrated, like he hadn't explained it well enough, "I like it when you're all cranky in the morning, with your sleep-mussed hair, and then I make you coffee and you sort of smile, and I know that something I did made you  _happy_ -and then I feel happy, too."

"Uh…right," Jensen had mumbled, already sure that he was blushing, and not really knowing what to say in response.

"And, " Jared had continued, "I love that you're kind of shy, in real life, that you're not all arrogant like some people think you are. I love when you open up to me, when you let me in sometimes, when you give me those little moments, when you let me know that you're happy, or sad. I love how you get that intense expression on your face when I'm talking to you, and it gives me hope that you feel the same way about me as I do about you. And I love how you get all protective when I tell you that I'm having a bad time, like you just want to take care of me. I sort of love it when you get all moody, too-it's kind of cute, in a weird way, and I think you kind of love it when I get all hyper and emotional. I love that you buy the food I like, I love making dinner for you, even though I nearly always burn it and you just smirk and roll your eyes. I love it when we walk the dogs together. I love it when you fall asleep in my bed sometimes when we're watching TV in my room together and we accidentally cuddle. I love it when we get drunk and read all those fan stories about how in love we are, and you throw your head back and laugh, and sometimes I can see tears in your eyes, probably because you're laughing so hard. I love just staying in watching TV with you. I love that we don't have to talk if we don't want to, we don't have to put on a show for each other. I never have to play a part or act out a role when I'm with you; I can just be myself, and I think that you can, too. We just fit so perfectly, Jensen, and if you felt the same way, we'd be perfect as boyfriends."

"Anything else?" Jensen had asked, feeling his heart pounding right up against his chest, trying not to tremble with fear, trying his best not to do some kind of happy dance at the same time as the only man who Jensen had ever really been in love with was telling him that he loved him back-even if said love of his life was only saying it when he was almost too drunk to stand up and he had never said anything similar before when he was sober.

Jensen hadn't been totally sure if he wanted to hear more, or if he just wanted to run away and hide and not have to face it all.

"You're the best roommate  _ever_ , and I can't imagine living with anyone else. And it helps that you're hot. And I'm kind of in love with you, in case that wasn't obvious. Yin to my yang and epic love story and all that…"

Jared had eventually finished speaking, his face red and his eyes looking a little wet like he might have started crying at any moment.

Maybe it was just wishful thinking on Jensen's part, but he was sure that Jared had kind of looked like he'd been holding all of this in for months, like he'd been waiting to say it for a long time, or maybe just waiting for the perfect moment, until the alcohol had taken the decision about saying it all at the right time out of his hands.

Jensen had remained frozen to the spot, opening his mouth to speak a couple of times, but not being able to get the words out, not knowing how to process Jared's heart-felt confession, not knowing if it would be better to wait until Jared was sober, when he could check if he actually meant any of it, or if it had been nothing but drunken rambling.

But then it was too late to say something, because Jared had sighed and told Jensen that he needed to go to bed, to get some sleep, and he had half-walked and half-staggered in the direction of his bedroom, mumbling something that sounded a lot like, "Please don't move out," before Jensen heard Jared's door close and then the sound of the lock turning.

So Jensen had been faced with an agonizing wait until morning, trying and failing to distract himself by watching more TV, before he had given up and gone to bed, where he lay awake all night, going over Jared's drunken confession.

In a way, Jared's words had made him feel so  _happy_ , because Jared's reasons why they should be boyfriends had been so… _personal_ , so unlike most of the shallow reasons that the drunk men at bars who sometimes hit on Jensen tended to give for wanting to be his 'boyfriend'.

It was as though Jared could see all of Jensen's flaws, like he could see everything that he didn't show to the public, every weakness, every awkward moment, but he still loved him anyway, or he loved him  _because_ of all that.

Jared's words had also echoed all of Jensen's secret thoughts, all of his inner feelings about why he and Jared would be so perfect together.

After what felt like years of Jared being his 'hot-but-probably-straight-best-friend', Jensen had never expected any of those words to leave Jared's lips, and there had been something exhilarating about hearing them out loud.

However, any feelings of victory or celebration had been kind of over-shadowed by Jensen's fear of how he would go about discussing this with Jared in the morning, the fear of what he would actually say, how he would find the words to respond to any explanation that Jared would give.

Jensen's thoughts were dragged back into the present when he heard Jared moving around on the other side of the door, like Jared was out of bed.

He was just about to knock (even though he hadn't bothered knocking on Jared's bedroom -or bathroom-door for months), when suddenly, the door was flung open, nearly knocking Jensen over, and Jensen managed to stand up straight again only to find himself almost face-to-face with Jared, who was still in his pajamas, even though it was well past midday, and who definitely looked like he was tired and hung-over.

Jensen blinked rapidly, trying to ignore the fact that his heartbeat was speeding up and his face was no doubt going bright red.

It was bad enough that Jared still looked like one of the most gorgeous men that Jensen had ever seen, in spite of the tired expression and the old pajamas. Now, he had the added weight of a pending heart-to-heart with the man he'd been in love with for years to make him feel even more flustered than usual.

"Hey," Jensen managed to mutter, trying not to duck his head in embarrassment.

Jared stared back at him, surprisingly looking nowhere near as uncomfortable or as embarrassed as Jensen.

"Hey," he greeted Jensen in return, looking like he was sort of grinning, before he gestured for Jensen to come into his room and he actually  _got back into his bed_. He even had his TV turned on, like nothing had happened, like this was just any other day.

Jensen stood still for a couple of seconds, feeling almost too shocked to move.

Eventually, he moved slowly and cautiously into the room, and stopped right by Jared's bed. "About last night-" Jensen started, awkwardly, realizing all over again just how much he  _hated_ heart-to-hearts.

"I meant what I said," Jared shrugged, taking Jensen completely by surprise, because he had fully expected him to deny everything.

"So…" Jared continued, before Jensen could even begin to process the idea that Jared might actually feel  _that way_  about him for real.

"So…what?" Jensen asked him, confused.

"So, are we gonna get together, or do you not feel the same way? Because if you don't, we can just try and forget about what I said…"

Jensen just stared at Jared, wide-eyed, wondering how the hell he could be so casual about all this, how  _anyone_  could be so casual after pouring their heart out and admitting their feelings.

"Um…we're gonna get together?" Jensen tried, somehow making his answer sound more like a question in his confusion.

"Awesome," Jared replied with a smile that Jensen was sure could light up a whole room, and Jensen sort of wanted to smile right back at him, even though he didn't want to let his guard down and start celebrating too early about apparently getting what he had always wanted with minimum awkwardness in advance.

"You wanna watch TV with me?" Jared asked him with a yawn, like he did this sort of thing every day, like there was nothing scary at all about telling someone that you loved them and then asking them directly to be your boyfriend the next day.

"Uh…sure?" Jensen replied, still making his answers seem like questions.

Slowly, he got into Jared's bed, still expecting something to go wrong, or for his best friend (or maybe he should call him his boyfriend, now?) to suddenly have some sort of meltdown and get all angsty or laugh and tell him that it was just a joke.

But, astonishingly, Jared just shifted a little in his bed so that he was lying closer to Jensen, then he  _carried on watching TV_.

Jensen stared up at the ceiling, blinking in confusion.

It all seemed too simple, too… _easy_ , especially after months (okay, maybe years) of Jensen angsting over his feelings for Jared day after day, worrying about everything that could possibly go wrong if he ever admitted to being in love with him, thinking about how long he could go on  _without_ telling him, going over and over the  _but-we're-co-stars-it-might-affect-the-show_  line and later the  _but-we're-roommates-it'd-be-awkward_  line with his friends, and even (embarrassingly) with his parents, after he broke down crying at home one Christmas when he found out that Jared had a date over the holiday and Jensen's mama took pity on him.

Anyway, Jared  _loved_ talking, and Jensen had therefore always imagined that any discussion about them having feelings for one another would involve seemingly endless words between the two of them and long conversations. In Jensen's head, the whole imagined scene looked a lot like something from a chick flick, with all the mutual crying and confessing and awkward tension. Sometimes, Jensen even pictured the scene at an airport. It was  _that_  emotional.

"Uh…are we not gonna have some kind of heart-to-heart?" Jensen asked Jared suspiciously, like he was missing something. He might have hated heart-to-hearts, but still, after building himself up for one all night, he had kind of expected the heart-to-heart to happen, and it felt weirdly like a let-down now that he wasn't getting one.

"Sure," Jared replied with a smile, before he reached out to Jensen and pulled him in close. It was only when Jensen became aware of the beat of Jared's heart, thudding softly against Jared's (and also Jensen's) chest, and he realized that they were now lying chest-to-chest, with Jared holding him tight in his arms, that Jensen understood that this was the only version of a heart-to-heart that he was going to get from Jared right now.

Jensen decided to just go with it, coming to the conclusion that maybe some things didn't need words, maybe sometimes it was better to just take action, especially after such a long build up and apparently a lot of concealing true feelings, maybe it was possible to share feelings without it being such a big deal the next day, and maybe he should start being more honest with the people he cared about and share more with them, too-maybe he just thought about everything way too much.

He could feel Jared laughing, his face tucked into Jensen's neck, like this whole chest-to-chest thing was his joking response to Jensen's heart-to-heart question, or some bad pun; and then, as though to prove the point that the heart-to-heart wasn't going to involve any talking right now, he pressed his lips to Jensen's so that they were kissing each other softly, like two lovers who had woken up next to one another after a long night and were still too sleepy for anything more adventurous; just greeting, just acknowledging, just discovering, just learning something new about each other now that they had taken this next step.

The kiss might have only been slow and sweet, but Jensen was sure that Jared would be able to feel his heart pounding against his chest in excitement.

It all felt so familiar, like they should have been doing this all along, but at the same time, it was all so new and exhilarating, and he wanted more and more of it, more and more of Jared.

The kiss didn't last long, or long enough in Jensen's opinion, before Jared moved his lips away and maneuvered them so that he was lying on his back and Jensen's head was on his chest, then he smiled and yawned and focused his attention on the TV again.

"You know," Jensen grumbled, "any other guy might feel a little neglected."

"I'm too tired for a freak out, or for anything else," Jared answered with a shrug, still sounding like he was trying to cover up his laughter. "I promise I'll make it up to you later, though."

"What, with more heart-felt confessions?" Jensen asked him, only half joking.

"I was thinking with more kissing, and maybe sex?" Jared grinned, now sounding like  _he_  was asking a question in his response, and Jensen's heartbeat sped up all over again as his body took interest.

"Awesome," Jensen grinned back, mimicking his boyfriend's (it felt  _so_  good to use that word in his thoughts now) answer from a few minutes ago.

Suddenly aware of just how tired he was after his sleepless night now that he was feeling all happy and relaxed and relieved, Jensen started to drift off to sleep, placing his hand almost possessively over Jared's chest as he closed his eyes.

He was so comfortable that it took him a few seconds to realize that Jared was talking again.

"Hey, Jen?"

"Yeah?"

"This is the best heart-to-heart  _ever_." 


End file.
